JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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