Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
