That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
