Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
