I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
