oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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