Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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