My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
