my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
