like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
