I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
