I look better un-naked...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
