Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
