so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
