well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
