your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
