Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
