Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Randomize
