Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
