If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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