You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
