dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
