i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
