You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
