wrigley field is MILF paradise
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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