she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
