WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
