Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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