Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
