WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
