my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
