Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im at strip club and am horny
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
