im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
