We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
