he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
