We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
