What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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