hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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