I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You are a genius and a whore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
