I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
