i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
