His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
