we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
