I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
