apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
