he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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