I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
