You work out of a Hotel?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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