dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
