You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize
