I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize