i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
