I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
