You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my sisters under your porch take her home
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
