i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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