Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
