I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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