haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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