you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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