Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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