a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference