Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation

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  (570): His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation http://tfl.nu/j8xh
  Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (1848)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.

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  (425): There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason. http://tfl.nu/skwm
  Replies (48) Good night (604) Bad night (3374)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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  (704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y
  Replies (11) Good night (538) Bad night (2698)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!

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  (732): i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!! http://tfl.nu/t5uq
  Replies (80) Good night (7400) Bad night (2548)
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  (661): View more from California

  Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?

  (1-661): View more from California

  What the hell did you do last night?!

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  (661): Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy? (1-661): What the hell did you do last night?! http://tfl.nu/xxav
  Replies (48) Good night (800) Bad night (9853)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.

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  (941): I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass. http://tfl.nu/wkll
  Replies (6) Good night (3636) Bad night (1078)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Come see our sink grown plant.

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  (480): Come see our sink grown plant. http://tfl.nu/3v5r
  Replies (25) Good night (4280) Bad night (1211)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

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  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (32) Good night (7155) Bad night (2143)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.

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  (305): look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no. http://tfl.nu/new9
  Replies (23) Good night (1469) Bad night (3829)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do what your heart wants. . .

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis

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  (901): Do what your heart wants. . . (504): My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis http://tfl.nu/o9fm
  Replies (7) Good night (2488) Bad night (763)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming

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  (419): Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming http://tfl.nu/qxd7
  Replies (6) Good night (874) Bad night (1174)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.

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  (847): I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year. http://tfl.nu/4k22
  Replies (2) Good night (846) Bad night (539)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"

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  (301): And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok" http://tfl.nu/hwnp
  Replies (5) Good night (295) Bad night (565)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

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  (773): How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess http://tfl.nu/u340
  Replies (7) Good night (374) Bad night (796)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...

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  (647): Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but... http://tfl.nu/6fcg
  Replies (0) Good night (336) Bad night (197)

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