that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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