he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.