Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
