The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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