Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
