my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you