I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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