y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
