why didn't you poke me back
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
