More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
