U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
