I want to stick my p in your. b.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
