I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
