yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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